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Where does the day go? That’s one of those rhetorical questions usually meant to imply that one has only a finite amount of time to accomplish any given amount of things during a day. In my case that is a legitimate question. I’d like to think that my mind is sophisticated enough to avoid the simultaneously shallow and deep traps of the internet.

I said I’d like to think that, but this is not the case. I spend most of my week like every other shmo in the world, working. Most of my time at work is spent gloriously alone and in quiet contemplation; i.e. I work at night so I entertain myself by watching Netflix and eating snacks. So when I’m off work…I pretty much do the same thing.

My day goes something sort of like this.

In recent dates, my web connection has taken up the obnoxious habit of just going out at random intervals during the day. I don’t know what this is about, but it doth not please me.  I find myself standing over it, after I have initiated all of my ex-technical support CPR, suppressing curses and resisting the urge to smack the modem like a Neanderthal. Signs, I’m sure, are symptoms of a much deeper anger management problem, but for now….

Me Smash!

The connection is out at this very moment and I am being forced to compose my very first WordPress original post in Word, because I can’t get to my homeland.  It’s really bad. I’m sitting here and every few seconds I look up to see if the connection has been reestablished. I have a true addiction to the internet.  My deeply sorrowful and most horrible guilty pleasure is visiting sites like the Daily Mail and the Huffington Post entertainment sections and reading about frivolous celebrity nonsense until I get pissed and have to go read something intellectually stimulating for a while.

On an off day I can sit for hours jumping from YouTube videos; to pointless memes; and then over to Xfinity or Netflix to watch a movie, and of course there is my blog, your blog, his blog, her blog, blog, glob, olgb.

I have a paranoid fixation about my eyes, since I wear glasses. My vision has gotten progressively worse over the years and my brain assures me that I will eventually go blind in my later ages.  I know that isn’t how that science works exactly, but it makes perfect rational sense to me.

So check out my genius. Instead of reducing the quantitative hours I spend looking at various screens and the such, I always make sure I have lights on while I spend hours of the day getting sucked into the HD glow of my devices; a good practice for any and all who spend more than 2 hours at a stretch looking at an electronic screen.

However this means that the lights are on during the day, and I have no clue when night falls whilst thus engaged in my absolute nonsense. A whole day, gone in two cat videos, season 2 of Arrested Development, and a list article on the best video game villains from the 90s via Zergnet. At which point I find myself literally asking the question: Where has the day gone?

The funniest part is that today I only spent a few hours spiraling down the hole of the internet’s drug den (I discovered Vine today, via an Ellen YouTube video), and when I got up to start doing something productive that is precisely when the connection went out. Every time I think I’m out, they pull me right back in!

So I did my techPR on it and beat my chest like Queen Kong, obviously to no avail, and somehow…even though I’m not using it, it has still found a way to put a halt to my attempts at being a productive and noteworthy citizen.

So now I’m just waiting to see if it will decide to reconnect today. You’ll know it’s functioning again, because obviously you’ll be able to read this…unless you’re stalking me and hacked into my comp. In which case do you think you could take a look at my cable connection?

J.R.H.

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