I have a weird point of pride. I never make New Year’s resolutions. Maybe because it wasn’t a thing in my house, or maybe because I felt that it was inane to make life choices based on the calendar changing dates? Maybe because I’m always arbitrarily deciding that some day of the month will be the day that I get my proverbial shit together? I don’t know, but when I got older it became like a “thing” for me. I’m the girl who doesn’t make New Year’s resolutions.
And when I say I’m the girl who doesn’t make New Year’s resolutions, I mean at New Year I become That Guy™. You know the one everyone is always telling you not to be. Don’t be That Guy™ who grunts too much at the gym. Don’t be That Guy™ who’s always shaming you for not being a vegan. Don’t be That Guy™ that’s constantly telling people how into Breaking Bad they were. Are you getting this? I become That Guy™.
It isn’t extremely noticeable… at least I hope not. But it is enough that I noticed it, which is the first and only guest I need for the J.R’s Variety Anxiety Obsession Power Hour! Aka any time time it is quiet enough for me to hear my own thoughts without distractions. (If I miss the new episode there is usually a six season marathon playing right when I’m trying to fall asleep)
I realized there were a lot of really good reasons to stop being such a judgy mcjudgerson. Point A. New Year’s Resolutions have been a thing since before my mother was even born probably, so me being an ass isn’t going to stop it from being a thing. Point B. Who am I to shit on people for wanting to make changes in their lives, whatever the date? Point C. It’s too specific a thing to be an asshole about. One single day, one time transition from 11:59pm to 12am? It’s too niche. I feel if you’re going to be an asshole you need to diversify and pick broader topics. Be an asshole, but be a relatable asshole.
So about two or three years ago, I made it a point to stop being “That Guy” at New Year… But not really. I still found myself voluntarily getting sucked into discussions about New Year resolutions when the time rolled around. I always have to say my two cents about not wasting money on gym memberships and you can make changes any time of the year, blah, blah, blah.
So imagine my surprise when this year after major and I mean HUGE changes in my life as I had been accustomed to, when the end of Decemeber rolls around and suddenly I find value in New Year resolutions. I’m still not one hundred percent on board or anything because…Ooh I almost did it again. See it’s reflex. (…It’s like the Christmas season for the “self improvement” industry. They fuel our feelings of inadequacy then feed off it. I’m done I swear!)
I suppose I’m saying I find value in the resolution part of it. I don’t declare a lot of my goals. My real, deep down, close to my heart goals. Not the mundane ones like “I’m gonna clean my car today.” (I should probably declare that one though at some point in the near future) I’ll claim a few of my heart goals here and there to my best friend, but I hardly declare them to myself even. And I think that’s a bad thing? I don’t really have plans for my life. I have dreams, but they are just thought bubbles suspended in mid air and I have no idea how to reach them. I think maybe declaring something for myself might benefit me.
So here is my “It’s just a coincidence that it’s New Year, Resolution”: I’m going to try. I know that sounds really lackluster and like the lamest payoff for all that build up, but it actually means a lot to me. I think my life could benefit from some trying. In some cases I just need to try harder, like writing more or being consistent with my skin care routine. In others I need to try at all. I have a fear of failure, so some of the more risky ideas I’ve had are really high up and shrouded in mist and even if I find a way to reach them, there is a superb chance that I don’t go high enough, or I do reach and fall flat on my face. But I don’t want to be afraid of the failure anymore because I’m not happy with who I am and where I am now. And I think my happiness is suspended in one of those bubbles somewhere, so I have to start reaching.